A Different Journey
by OfCakeAndIceCream
Summary: He is to be her guard, and possibly her executioner. He shouldn't want to be here, yet as he followed her throughout Ferelden...Cullen could not think of anywhere else he would rather be.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** My first Dragon Age fanfic! I recently broke down from my steadfast determination to NOT play the Mage Origin, but at last I did and I came to adore the character Cullen. There are not many fics out involving him (although the ones that are, are absolutely amazing!) so I'm going to give it a shot! I've taken some liberties with the Mage Origin story, but hey I can do whatever I want right? Fanfiction is great like that! Please leave a review!

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Dragon Age not I!

* * *

Cullen swore to himself that he would not peek as he made his rounds, he would not glance through the open door of the mage's quarters, he would not pause to make sure she rested soundly, not admire her as she slept peacefully, oblivious to his watchful eye. Of course he had repeated this chant in his head every night since she had moved up to the second floor mage's quarters, and still his feet slowed him as he neared the quarters she shared with two other mages.

Soon, she would erect a book case as the other mage's had for some privacy, until then he would -much to his shame- take advantage of these rare moments. It would be the closest thing he would ever have to laying beside her. Cullen drew in a deep breath as he approached the opened door slowing his step ever so slightly as he made his way to the open door, turning his head ever so slightly to glance inside.

Unlike the past few nights where she had been curled up in bed sound asleep, her long blonde hair in complete disarray, tonight she was awake, sitting on her bed with her knees drawn to her chest staring intently at the wall before her. Cullen shifted slightly, hoping to sneak away with out drawing her attention; instead he clumsily banged his armor against the door. The clang caused her to turn to look at him, her green eyes wide with surprise. Cullen felt the blood rushing to his face; he had been caught. Damn.

"I-I-I'm sorry for--" he began, silencing immediately when she jumped off the bed landing gracefully on her feet. She raised a single finger to her lips, and Cullen nodded slowly in agreement. She glanced to her left and her right assuring that her fellow mages were still asleep.

"Follow me," she whispered softly darting past him.

"Neria," he had managed to say her name without stuttering, an accomplishment, "y-you're not supposed to be--"

"Shh! You can lecture me later." In the blink of an eye she had vanished around the corner heading off to the library. Cullen was at a loss of what to do; should they be caught they would both be punished. However Cullen knew that he was the only one scheduled to tour the second floor tonight, and he knew that he wanted to follow her. He knew that his feet led him to follow her, to the library, alone.

When Cullen entered the library he saw Neria lighting candles. Cullen felt his throat tighten slightly; she was wearing a knee length white gown, it was loose but the fabric was so thin he could almost--

"A-Aren't you c-cold?" Cullen was nervous, the stutter that always afflicted him when he was around her was back.

"Oh, no not at all," Neria said dismissively as she turned to face him, "There is a spell woven into the fabric." She tucked a lock of blonde hair behind a delicately pointed ear glancing up at him. "I'm sorry for dragging you over here, but you said that if I ever needed to talk..."

"Yes, yes I did! I-Is something wrong?" Neria looked nervous; she never looked nervous. This could not be good, Neria was never the nervous type. Even walking into her Harrowing she had not been nervous, instead radiating calm confidence. It had annoyed Greagoir who had mistaken the calm for arrogance, but Cullen was quite sure that wasn't it.

"You know," Neria said quickly turning away from him, "did I ever tell you how they found out I was a mage?" Cullen frowned slightly; no matter how nervous Neria made him he could clearly tell she changed the subject to avoid telling him something, but what?

"No, you haven't," Cullen said ignoring her change of subject for now.

"My mother was Dalish," Neria said as she hopped up slightly to sit on one of the desks. "According to my father anyway, I never knew her. He says she left after giving birth to me, wanted to go 'run off in the woods' according to him," she paused for a moment. "He always said it like it was a horrible thing. I always thought it sounded lovely, and so when I was..." Neria frowned slightly, "six? Maybe younger, I do not quite recall. Anyway, I decided I was going to run off and join the Dalish. So in the middle of the coldest winter night I made my move," she smiled grimly. Tthere were guards stationed outside the Alienage. One of them he...liked Elvish girls, young ones. We all avoided him, but he was on duty that night. He...grabbed me." Cullen felt the rage fill in his stomach at the idea of anyone touching Neria in that...that way. Of anyone touching a child in that way. "I froze him solid, then another guard tried grabbing me, and I did the same to him. Then I ran to hide in the Chantry; the rest I suppose is history."

"I-I'm sorry," it was all he could think to say. The Circle, Templars included, treated all mages as equal, human or elven.

"It all turned out well, the Tower is a large improvement from the Alienage," Neria said smiling at him, "a much prettier cage." They stood in silence for a few moments, not looking at one another.

"What was it you really wanted to tell me?" Cullen asked finally; he knew she was keeping something from him. Something probably of grave importance, something that a mage would not want a Templar to know. Maker help him he hoped it was not something he would have to act upon, he did not want to harm her in any way but if duty demanded he do so, he would have no choice.

"You caught that did you? I forget how observant Templars are," she said sighing slightly. "Before I tell you, I need you to promise me something." Cullen opened his mouth to say something but Neria continued quickly. "I need your word that you won't immediately run off to Greagoir!"

"I-I can't promise something like that!" Cullen said, although he wanted to, Maker help him but he truly did. He was a Templar, and no matter his...'feelings' for this mage, his duty was to the Chantry first. He had to put his feelings aside.

"I'm not saying you can't tell him! I'm just asking you to...wait a little, until you see him with Irving." She slid off the table running a hand through her long blonde hair whilst pacing back and forth. "I hope I'm doing the right thing, it's all just been a mess! I was going to help him, I wasn't going to tell anyone I was actually going to risk everything, and help! The rumors though...Cullen I think they're true." She turned to face him her eyes wide. "I think Jowan is a blood mage!"

Cullen paled; if she had proof and she was found keeping it from the Templars she would indeed be punished, but wasn't she telling him now? If he went to Greagoir now--

"There's no proof," she said as if picking up on his thoughts. "It is just...I was helping him earlier today, with casting and..." Neria trailed off. "He feels wrong. That's the only way I can think to describe it." Cullen nodded slightly, almost relieved that she had no proof. "Then afterward he and Lily--you know the new initiate?" Cullen nodded slowly. "Well it appears they're involved, romantically." She added as if he couldn't make the connection. "And...she saw the order on Greagoir's desk, the order approving the Right of Tranquility on Jowan."

"Why come to you though?" Cullen asked frowning; this was very serious. Yet while he understood the severity of the situation, a part of him felt oddly lighter. Neria trusted him enough to speak with him, to confide in him!

"Irving already knows; he's going to tell Greagoir tomorrow." Neria bit her lower lip, "please...please you can't go to Greagoir until after Irving has gotten there first!"

"I-I don't know if I can promise something like that!" Cullen's mind was racing, the girl he had grown to...care for wanted to confide in him. It went against all of his Templar training, it went against--

Then again, he was going against so much just by standing with her here well into the night. Anyone stumbling upon them would surely assume they were having a tryst. Cullen thought back to all the times he had tried avoiding her, tried driving her from his mind, but still found himself changing shifts with other Templars just to be near her. Yet keeping something from Greagoir, it seemed a step too far. Cullen wanted nothing more than to run off, but he knew that was no longer an option.

"I promise." He felt as if a stone had been dropped into his gut. Maker let me have made the right decision, he thought but as he saw Neria sigh in relief a bit of the weight alleviated.

"Jowan wants to destroy his phylactery and flee the Tower with Lily," Neria said and Cullen's eyes widened. "I tried convincing him that it was a fool's errand but he refuses to be dissuaded and they wanted me to help them! I told them I had to think about it, and then went straight to Irving."

"You made the right choice," he said glad to hear that Neria immediately did the rational thing. It must have been painful for her though; she and Jowan had been close. For a while Cullen had wondered if they could have been more than friends.

"Irving said that as well," Neria said wryly, obviously not sure if she had indeed made the right decision. "He wanted me to go and find out more of their plan and then go through with it."

"He what!?" Cullen asked momentarily forgetting where they were.

"Shh!" Neria hushed, glancing quickly around as if expecting Greagoir to come bursting in on them.

"That's ridiculous! If Jowan really is a blood mage he's dangerous, and this needs to stop now. He must be--"

"Punished? What of Lily? The entire bloody thing is her idea. Jowan wouldn't have known if she hadn't told him!" Neria hissed her eyes bright with anger. "You know they won't do a thing to her! They'll say she was bewitched but she isn't Cullen! I doubt Lily knows that Jowan might actually be a blood mage, but still!"

"You could be hurt! Is it worth it if he hurts you?"_ I couldn't stand it if someone hurt you_, he thought, but kept it to himself.

"I am stronger than Jowan," she said crossing her arms over her chest. Cullen quickly tore his eyes away, he would not look, he could not look. "Cullen..." hesitantly he returned his gaze to her. "I will be alright. I just want you there, in case something goes...wrong."

She didn't have to tell him what 'wrong' was. He knew.

"Very...very well," Cullen had indeed given his word that he wouldn't go tell Greagoir, at least not immediately.

Neria let out a sigh of relief, her tense shoulders slumping slightly and for a moment the confident mage Cullen had known disappeared and he realized just how young she was. The very mage who even Greagoir believed to be one of the strongest the Circle had ever seen. Right now though she did not look like a mage to be feared and guarded, she looked like a young woman at a loss of what to do.

"Thank you," Neria said looking over at him smiling slightly. "It was really nice to talk to someone about this mess." She shook her head and let out a small laugh. "It's all just...well, maybe I'll finally be able to get some sleep."

"Y-Yes, it is late," Cullen said before falling silent. He waited her to make her way out of the library but she made no move to do so, and there they stood in silence. It was as if time stopped for a brief moment and Cullen found himself wishing the moment would never end, standing with one another in silence and peace.

She moved breaking the moment, but she did not move away; instead moving towards him. Neria raised herself onto the tips of her toes lightly brushing her lips across his cheek. Cullen felt his throat constrict and his face flush, after so long of admiring her from afar to have her touch him was almost too much. Part of Cullen's brain began screaming at him that this was inappropriate, that he needed to leave before this progressed any--

"Ahem."

Cullen felt as if his heart had gone from racing to a halting stop. Quickly he turned around expecting to see Greagoir and his Templar brothers looking at him with disgust and shame on their features.

"Duncan!" Neria said, her voice slightly strained with both relief and nerves. "I'm terribly sorry is everything alright?"

"Oh yes quite, I was just feeling a bit restless, no need to worry," Duncan said nodding at the pair.

"I'm...going to go back to my room now," Neria said softly, "good night." Without a backwards glance the blonde elf vanished from view. Cullen shifted awkwardly in his armor refusing to meet the steady gaze of the Grey Warden.

"You are not the first, nor will you be the last," Duncan said calmly. "Do not feel shame." The Grey Warden then turned around following the path of Neria and disappearing into the darkness of the Tower leaving Cullen alone with his thoughts.

* * *

_Maker let us not be too late_, Cullen prayed silently as he quickly followed Knight-Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Irving, Neria had left out the little detail that she would have to enter the Phylactery Chamber through a side 'entrance' which was nothing more then a thin wall that she would have to blast through using a Tevinter artifact! When Irving had told Greagoir this, the Knight-Commander looked as if he were ready to kill the First Enchanter.

_You sent_ that _mage in there!? As if she isn't dangerous enough already, how do you know she won't be corrupted?!_ Cullen wanted to tell Greagoir that he didn't think Neria would be corrupted, Neria had power in spades why would she want more? Then he remembered the lessons from the Chantry, mages were usually the easiest to corrupt, and that was why they had to be watched at all times by vigilant Templars. Cullen prayed that his...infatuation had not doomed them both.

The trip down to the basement where the phylactery chamber was housed from the Knight-Commander's office was a long one despite the haste that was being made. Cullen's mind was racing with possibilities, what if Neria tried to confront Jowan? No matter how powerful she was, Neria had never faced a blood mage, it was unlikely that she would be able to defend herself. Cullen felt his jaw tighten, Maker have mercy on Jowan if she was harmed, for he would not.

As they reached the entrance to the basement Cullen slowed to a halt as he saw Neria step out of the basement, relief washed over him when he saw that she was safe, that was until he noticed who was following behind her. Jowan and Lily walked side by side, glowing with happiness, and then they noticed who was waiting for them.

"So what you said was true Irving," Greagoir said darkly, Cullen knew that Greagoir had wanted to place all the blame on Jowan, but now he was forced to accept that an initiate was also involved. This would not end well.

"This...looks bad." Neria's voice was soft but Cullen could hear her clearly, and her eyes were filled with what appeared to be regret. Did she regret telling Irving? Telling him? Or did she simply regret that she had betrayed her friend.

"An initiate, conspiring with a blood mage." Greagoir's voice filled with disgust as he continued, "I'm disappointed in you Lily." Greagoir then turned his gaze to Neria. "And _you_, barely a mage for a few days and already flouting the rules of the Circle!"

"No it was my idea--" Jowan began when Irving quickly cut him off.

"She is here under my orders Greagoir," Irving said firmly. "I take full responsibility for her actions." Cullen nearly breathed a sigh of relief, surely this would lessen any punishment Neria would receive.

"You...you lead us into a trap!?" Jowan demanded turning to face Neria his eyes wide in surprise as he looked at his old friend.

"Jowan..." Neria began but Jowan cut her off enraged at the betrayal.

"No, don't you ever talk to me again!" Jowan snapped turning to face the Templars once more, Cullen saw a hurt expression briefly cross Neria's face but it vanished almost as suddenly as it had appeared, they had been friends for a long time, and betraying him -even if it was for the greater good- had obviously hurt her as well.

"Enough," Greagoir said coldly. "The initiate appears shocked but fully in control of her own mind." Lily hesitantly took a step back instinctively away from the Knight-Commander. "This initiate has scorned the Chantry and her vows. Take her to Aeonar." Cullen's eyes widened, Aeonar!? Even to him that seemed a bit far, yes she had indeed consorted with a blood mage but it was unlikely that she had even known. However...Chantry rules were ones that must be followed, her fate was in the Maker's hands now.

"No...no not Aeonar..." Lily whispered taking several steps away from Cynric, the other Templar who had accompanied the,.

"No! I won't let you take her!" Jowan shouted as he placed himself protectively in front of Lily, drawing a blade hidden in his robes and stabbed his hand. Blood gushed from the wound and before anyone, Templar or mage could react they were all blasted backwards, falling unconscious to the ground.

* * *

Neria slowly pushed herself off the ground and to her feet, trying to ignore the splitting pain in the back of her skull. She couldn't believe that Jowan had actually been a blood mage, despite that she had suspected it a part of her had wanted to believe in Jowan, believe that he wouldn't do something so stupid or dangerous. He had though, and he had hurt people in his quest for power.

"Irving," she said looking over at the First Enchanter, quickly she rushed to her mentors side. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine child," Irving said as he pushed himself up off the stone floor. "And you are you well?" Neria had no opportunity to answer Irving, Greagoir drowned out any attempt to do so.

"This is an outrage!" Greagoir shouted. "A blood mage has been allowed to escape, if you had come to me immediately this never would have happened!"

"None of us could have expected him to be that powerful," Irving said defensively as he staggered slightly before regaining his firm stance. Neria chose to remain silent, the last thing she needed to do was to further Greagoir's ire.

"No," Greagoir said still obviously disgusted with the whole situation. "We could not have." Greagoir turned away from the two mages and Neria dared a glance at Cullen. Cullen caught her gaze and gave the slightest nod of his head, he was alright that was good. "Now to you Lily." The young initiate stepped forward her head hung low in shame.

"Y-Yes Knight Commander?" Lily's voice was soft, defeated. Neria felt a rush of pity for the young woman, she had been willing to abandon everything to be with Jowan, and then Jowan had betrayed her trust. Now she faced the wrath of several very angry Templars, alone with out anyone to defend her.

"You were accomplice to a blood mage, what are we to do with you?" Greagoir asked not bothering to hide his disgust for the young woman who looked nearly ready to break down in tears.

_She didn't know, she is an innocent in this,_ Neria wanted to scream at Greagoir but the protest was dead before it reached her lips. Both Cullen and Irving were shooting her looks that told her to stay quiet.

"I...I was accomplice to a blood mage," Lily said her voice filled with the pain of the admission. "I will accept any punishment that you see fit for me, even...even Aeonar."

"Get her out of my sight," Greagoir snapped, two Templars approached Lily each Templar grabbing one arm and leading her out of the Hall. The moment she vanished Greagoir turned his attention back to Neria. "And what are we to do with you? Thanks to your foolishness we have a blood mage on the loose! With no way to track him!"

"Me?" Neria spluttered, "I was following orders! As for Jowan," Neria nearly choked on the name, had she really done the right thing? Now she would never know. "He can't have gotten far, you should be able to catch up to him."

"Oh we will," Greagoir sneered down at her in disgust. "This does not lessen the severity of what you have done!"

"As I said earlier Greagoir, I take full responsibility," Irving said his calm demeanor a stark contrast to Greagoir's rage.

"The repository is forbidden to all save you and me, who is to say she has not been corrupted?" Greagoir demanded, Neria flushed with outrage. She had never particularly liked the Knight Commander, he made her nervous, but to be so blatantly accused enraged her, and reminded her once again of what the world thought of mages. No matter how often she proved herself, there would always be those looking for something to use against her, to damn her.

"Neria...did you take anything from the repository?" Irving asked turning towards his prized pupil.

"_No_," Neria hissed through gritted teeth, "I took nothing."

"Very well, I believe you." Irving rested a comforting hand on her shoulder giving it a firm squeeze. Neria understood the gentle reminder, _stay quiet and do not argue with the Templars. _It was a reminder she had received multiple times in her life at the Tower, that did not make the words any easier to swallow.

"This still cannot stand," Greagoir snapped, "something must be done!"

"If I may." a voice from the entrance called out disrupting the tense environment. Neria craned her head over Greagoir's shoulder her eyes widening as she watched Duncan approach. What was he doing here? What could he possibly hope to prove or gain?

"Duncan, what are you doing here?" Greagoir demanded looking at the Grey Warden with barely concealed contempt.

"The Grey Wardens are in need of aide, this mage...could be a great deal of help in the fight against the darkspawn." Neria's eyes widened, if Duncan was suggesting what she believed he was...it was a chance! A chance to be free of the confines of the Tower! A chance to travel, to fight to be of use to the world, to see the world!

"No, absolutely not. I will not release this mage," Greagoir said firmly.

"If the Grey Wardens need me then I want to go!" Neria said, oh to be out of the Tower! When was the last time she had even _been_ outside?

"Yes I agree with Duncan." Irving glanced down at Neria a small smile on his face. "Neria you would without a doubt be a great help to the Grey Wardens, I do not believe that you would ever be truly happy here in the Tower."

"This is an outrage." Greagoir's voice leapt up another octave. "This mage flouts the rules of the Circle, she deserves to be punished."

"Punished? Do we not reward service? Neria has been of great service to the Circle." the First Enchanter crossed his arms over his chest scowling at Greagoir.

"Greagoir," Duncan's tone was terse, quite the contrast to how anyone else in the Tower spoke to Greagoir. It was a pleasant change to see someone stand up against the Knight Commander. "Mages are needed...this mage is needed!" Neria wondered what she could have done to impress Duncan, she had barely seen him these past few days, save when she first showed him to his rooms...and last night when he had stumbled upon her and Cullen.

_Cullen!_ Neria dared a glance at the Templar, who she supposed was now her only friend. His expression was carefully blank, and he was not looking at her. Instead the young Templar was watching the exchange between the Knight-Commander and Duncan with great interest.

"If you are so hesitant to let Neria leave the Tower alone, might I make a suggestion?" Irving paused waiting for all eyes to turn to him before continuing, "Greagoir, need I remind you that Duncan can invoke the Right of Conscription and we would have no choice but to allow Neria to leave with him." Irivng then turned his attention to Duncan, "and Duncan, there is much discontent as it is there is no need to create more by invoking the Right."

"So what do you suggest Irving?" Greagoir asked, irritated but willing to listen to the suggestion from the First Enchanter.

"Send a Templar with her, perhaps young Cullen," Irving said and Neria had to struggle not to let her jaw drop. Irving! That sneaky sneaky brilliant old man! Cullen was one of Greagoir's favored Knights despite his 'sympathy' for the mages, and while Neria had mostly tried to ignore the other apprentices whispers of "_I heard _Cullen's_ in _love _with you,"_ she highly doubted Irving had. He had told her himself, he had not become First Enchanter by keeping his ears and eyes shut.

"I would accept this condition," Duncan said quickly.

"And where will Cullen get his Lyrium?" Greagoir snapped, although he did appear to be considering the offer.

"We will gather all we can, and I will instruct Neria on how to brew one as well. The Chantry I'm sure will also supply the Lyrium potion should they require it," Irving said calmly looking over at Cullen. "As long as this is acceptable for you?"

"Oh! Y-Yes, it is," Cullen said although it was obvious to Neria he was hesitating. "I will go if you wish me to." Neria felt oddly like he was asking her, even though Cullen was keeping his gaze fixed on Greagoir.

"Neria." Duncan's voice drew her attention away from Cullen, "is this acceptable?" A choice, he was giving her a choice. It was so odd, she was so used to having decisions made for her. Well, if she wanted to be free of the Tower, making her own decisions was something she would just have to get used to.

Did she want Cullen to come along? Neria wanted freedom from the Tower, from the Templars. If Cullen came along it would be a reminder of what she wanted to leave behind, not to mention the whispers that would undoubtedly go along with it. A mage who needed a Templar guard, it would make people all the more wary of her, for better or for worse.

_But_, it was Cullen. He wasn't like the other Templars, he spoke to her as if she were a person not just a mage to be guarded. He was...for lack of a better word, sweet. Although Neria doubted he had the same urge to leave the Tower that she had, did she want to tear him away from the one place that had been his home? Would he resent her for it later?

"It is." Neria agreed, "it won't take me long to learn how to brew the potion, we would be able to leave while there is still light." Herbalism and brewing had not exactly been her 'best' subjects, such things were usually left to the Tranquil or those training to be Healers. Neria had always been far more intrigued by Primal Magic and Entropy, the art of using magic to fight. Still, it would not take long.

"Hmph," Greagoir said, "very well, Cullen you will accompany the mage." Cullen simply bowed his head in agreement, he still was not looking her.

"Excellent," Duncan said, "gather your things and say your good byes, I will be waiting."

"Come Neria," Irving said gesturing for her to follow. "We best get started."

"Yes of course." Neria nodded in agreement brushing a lock of blonde hair behind her delicately pointed ear. She tried not to look too excited as she followed Irving, she was going to leave the Tower for the first time in over a decade! The fresh air, the grass, the forests! The threat of darkspawn seemed minuscule for a moment in time, she was going to leave the Tower!

* * *

"We will be heading to Ostagar," Duncan explained, "the King is gathering forces to fight a horde of darkspawn approaching from the south," Neria nodded gripping the edge of the small boat tightly. She still remembered the ride she had taken on it as a child, she did not remember it making her quite this ill though, "there has been no sign of the Archdemon, though you needn't worry about that until after the Joining."

"The Joining?" Neria asked curiously. "What exactly does it entail?" So little was known of the Wardens, a secretive group and to Neria it was utterly fascinating.

"You will find out soon enough," Duncan said smiling wryly. "There will be two other Grey Warden recruits present. We shall discuss it further when the time has come." Neria nodded in agreement glancing over at Cullen who appeared to be feeling just as green as she was.

"You alright?" Neria asked watching Cullen carefully, he had been quiet since they had left the Tower and feelings of guilt were beginning to nag at her. Had she been selfish? Only one person could tell her that, and he appeared more likely to lose his lunch.

"I've been better," Cullen said weakly. "Much...much better."

"Not a worry lad!" Kester the ferryman called. "You'll see land soon enough, and if you feel the need to err...'relieve' yourself, do it over the side of the boat."

Cullen groaned, and Neria giggled slightly until she felt her own stomach start to creep up in her throat. Simultaneously the two leaned over their respective sides of the boat, emptying the contents of their lunch into Lake Calenhad. Duncan chuckled and Neria shot a dirty look in the Grey Wardens direction.

"I will throw up on you," Neria threatened darkly, "don't think I won't!" _Some Grey Warden I'll be,_ Neria thought, _begone darkspawn or be covered in projectile vomit! _

"You and Alistair will get along rather well," Duncan said with a small nod of approval, "this is good."

Neria didn't care who Alistair was at that moment in time, the only thing that mattered was that they were now mere feet from the dock and she was half tempted to leap out of the boat and swim the rest of the way. Anything would be better then this incessant rocking, back...forth...back...forth.

"Thank the Maker," Cullen groaned as he stood wobbling slightly clamoring eagerly out of the boat with Neria following closely after.

"I'm _never_ going back to the Tower," Neria proclaimed, "if only because of that damn boat, no offense Kester." She added glancing at the old ferryman who was grinning from ear to ear.

"None taken, you stay safe now!" Neria waved goodbye jogging to catch up to Duncan and Cullen who had already reached the base of the hill. The feeling of her feet hitting the hard earth, the wind tangling her hair, the sun on her skin. Her first time truly out in the sun since she was a child, sticking her head out of one of the Tower's many windows did not compare to this. The nausea had vanished and Neria felt light, she felt free. It took her little time to catch up and then surpass the two men, smiling brightly as she did so.

"Oh come on," Neria called smiling, "it's a long way to Ostagar!"

She didn't bother to wait for a response, rushing forward anyway. Freedom, or something close to it. Whatever it was, at this moment it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Wow this chapter was much longer then I thought it would be (nearly 6000 words)! I can't promise that all chapters will be this long but I certainly will try!

Please REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for all your kind reviews! Sorry that this took a while I got sidetracked by school. This chapter is a bit shorter then originally intended but I like how it turned out. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please leave me more kind reviews they are greatly appreciated!

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Dragon Age not I!

* * *

"I would kill for a bed right now," Neria said darkly as she poked the embers of the fire with a stick. "Or for an old chair, anything but the bloody ground." Cullen glanced over at the mage curiously as she continued prodding the fire muttering obscenities under her breath. Duncan was on the other side of the camp, seemingly asleep although Cullen doubted it. He wasn't exactly comfortable either, and despite being exhausted couldn't bring himself to curl up on his sleeping mat. They would arrive at Ostagar tomorrow and Neria would become a Grey Warden, whatever that entailed. As always she seemed unconcerned with the process, instead choosing to complain about the weather.

"Maybe the Quartermaster will be able to give you a better sleeping roll tomorrow." Cullen suggested, Neria sighed heavily in response.

"Would you mind terribly if I threatened to turn him into a toad if he doesn't?" Neria asked her tone light and innocent, Cullen frowned in response and she quickly continued. "I can't _actually_ do that Cullen, and I was joking."

"Hmph," was his only reply. Cullen knew he should not be worried, Neria was unlikely to turn maleficarum right under his nose. Still the thought of it happening was one he had to keep present in his mind. Cullen would not, could not allow his feelings to mar his judgment. He was a Templar first and foremost, he had made his vows to the Maker and he had to uphold them.

"I better turn in then," Neria said sighing dramatically. "Somehow I have a feeling it's going to be the last decent night sleep I'm going to get in a while, goodnight Cullen." He watched as she lay down pulling a large wolf pelt over her smaller frame, turning her back to him. Cullen sighed slightly, it had been nearly two weeks traveling with her and yet he had still not gotten used to being so close to her all the time. Not that he minded, Maker knew he did not. He had learned so much about her, much more then he could have hoped to learn as just another Templar in the Tower.

Not that the trip had been entirely smooth and enjoyable, there had been bandits who had rushed them a few villages back and though he, Neria, and Duncan had made quick work of them it was still a bit of a shock for Cullen. He had only ever been out of the Tower for an extended period of time once while on the hunt for a maleficar. Then Cullen and the other Templars had been the hunters, this time _he_ had been attacked, _Neria_ had been attacked. As she had been casting a spell one of the bandits had nearly stabbed her in the back, had he not been there to cut the man down...Maker he did not even want to think of it!

Neria had not been as shaken as he had been, the lithe mage had been...for lack of a better word, exhilarated. She had even joined Duncan as he checked to see if the bodies had anything useful on them. Cullen had felt the way her magic buzzed around her, she_ liked _fighting! It was at that point that Cullen remembered what Greagoir had told him just before he had left the Tower.

_"Tread lightly if you are doing what I think you are," Greagoir said looking at Cullen his gaze firm and his voice filled with warning. Cullen opened his mouth to reply but Greagoir continued. "Remember that mage is not just any mage. She is a _war_ mage Cullen, she is one for a reason. She will always be a danger, to herself and to others. Do not forget your duty."_

He would not forget his duty, he could not forget his duty. The vows he had taken were ones he held dear to his heart, he was the Maker's warrior on this earth. He was-

Neria shifted in her sleep muttering under her breath as she pulled the pelt over her head so nothing but a small tuft of blonde hair was visible. Cullen could not help but grin at the sight, it reminded him of why leaving the Tower was not necessarily a bad thing, and of why despite the bandits and the uncomfortable sleeping conditions...he was happy. Cullen would follow through with his duty, he would watch over her, he would protect her.

* * *

The Ostagar ruins were breathtaking in Neria's opinion. The ancient stone stood tall and proud, even if a a little chipped from battles centuries old. How many had fought and died here? How many _would_ fight and die here? The stone path she walked upon had probably seen more blood spilled upon it then would fit into Lake Calenhad! She glanced at Cullen who was looking about with the same awed expression that she was certain she also wore, he glanced down catching her gaze and Neria smiled.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" Neria asked, Cullen nodded in response returning her smile with a small one of his own. "I would _love_ to go exploring, do you think I'll have the time? This whole Joining business," Neria gestured further up the path towards Duncan who as always had taken quite a lead, "is so hush-hush that I haven't a clue how long it will last. Not to mention-"

A flash of gold in the distance drew her attention and Neria squinted slightly trying to figure out what the source was.

"Maker's breath...is that the King?" Cullen asked, Neria glanced back briefly at Cullen before returning her eyes to the golden figure. It had to be the King, who else in Ferelden would wear such brilliant golden armor? Neria then turned her gaze to Duncan who looked surprised, nowhere near surprised as Cullen but surprised none the less. The Grey Warden Commander continued down the stone path, closing the gap between them and the King and Neria jogged to catch up careful not to trip over her robes. Wouldn't _that_ be a sight?

"Ho there Duncan!" The King was smiling broadly as he and two of his guards approached them, Neria raised an eyebrow surprised at how _young_ the King was. Granted he was older then her, but Neria doubted he was even thirty! Also he appeared far too cheerful to her, there was a Blight going on after all yet the King seemed to greet Duncan as if he were an old friend arriving for lunch and not for a battle.

"King Cailan!" Duncan said a hint of surprise creeping into the Grey Warden's voice. "I didn't expect a-"

"A royal welcome?" King Cailan interrupted still grinning, "I was beginning to worry you'd miss all the fun!"

"Not if I could help it your Majesty." Duncan's voice was grim, starkly contrasting the King's cheerfulness. Though Neria doubted anyone would be able to match up to Cailan's enthusiasm.

"Then I'll have the mighty Duncan at my side in battle after all, glorious!" It appeared the King of Ferelden, unlike most of his country men had a great deal of respect for the Grey Wardens. Neria would have thought he would react as Greagoir had, with distrust and anger. "The other Wardens told me you'd found a promising recruit." Cailan turned to her, "I take it this is she?"

"Yes allow me to introduce you your majesty-"

"There's no need to be so formal Duncan we'll be shedding blood together after all." Cailan smiled at her and Neria could not help but grin back in response. His cheer was infectious it seemed, "ho there friend might I know your name?"

"Neria, your Majesty." Neria bowed slightly, for a moment she wondered if she was dreaming. Would she awake in her bunk in the apprentices quarters, the last month all a dream? Never could she have imagined that she would leave the Tower as a Grey Warden, never could she have imagined she would be meeting the King!

"I understand you hale from the Circle of Magi." Neria nodded in response and the King continued, "all mages are needed now. The Wardens will benefit greatly with you in their numbers." Cailan then looked over at Cullen, "might I ask who this is?"

"I am Cullen, your Majesty." Cullen bowed far more gracefully than she had, "I am the Templar assigned to...watch over Neria." An interesting choice of words but Neria did not fault Cullen for not being blunt. The story about his presence was a long one, and one they needn't bother to tell the King or anyone for that matter.

"Maker's breath!" Cailan said his eyes widening in surprise, although Neria did not see the fear that she would have expected to see there. Instead the King appeared even more impressed. "You must be a powerful mage indeed, I hope you have some useful spells to aide us!"

"I am only recently out of my Harrowing," Neria said unsure of what to say. "However I will do my best."

"You are undoubtedly tired from your journey, and I must cut this short." Cailan sighed in a rather dramatic fashion, "Loghain waits eagerly to bore me with his strategy." Teryn Loghain? The Hero of River Dane? The greatest strategist in Ferelden and Cailan was _complaining_ about having to go to a strategy meeting with him! Neria sighed inwardly, a strange human indeed.

"Your Uncle sends his greetings and reminds you that Redcliffe forces could be here within the week," Duncan said drawing Cailan's attention back towards the Grey Warden Commander.

"Eamon just wants in on the glory, we have won every battle against these darkspawn so far." Cailan waved a hand dismissively at the mention of his uncle.

"I was not aware things were going so well," Neria said glancing at Duncan. The older Warden raised a hand for her to quiet and she did immediately, apparently this would be explained to her later.

"We've clashed with the darkspawn many times yes, but there's been no sign of the Archdemon." The King sounded almost disappointed, Neria looked back at Cullen who was staring at the King with the same confusion that she felt. "I'm not even sure if this is a true Blight!"

"You sound disappointed your Majesty." Duncan's voice was grave and while Neria did not know whether this indeed was a Blight or not, she was inclined to believe Duncan over Cailan. The man had spoken little of the Blight or the darkspawn during their journey down to Ostagar, however when he had he had spoken of them with the utmost seriousness. If Duncan was certain this was a Blight, she believed him.

"I was hoping for a battle like in the old tales, but alas." Cailan shook his head, "I must go now before Loghain sends out a search party. It was good to see you again Duncan. And best of luck to you Neria." With that the King and his guards headed further into the Ostagar ruins, Neria stood still for several moments unsure of what to think let alone do.

"That was...interesting." Cullen was the first to speak and Neria glanced back at him nodding slightly in agreement.

"What the King says _is_ true, they have won several battles against the darkspawn here," Duncan said gesturing for her and Cullen to follow him further down the path.

"You do not sound anywhere near as confident as the King," Neria said as she followed at Duncan's side with Cullen trailing ever so slightly behind though Neria knew he was listening intently.

"Indeed," Duncan said grimly and for a moment he looked much older then his years. "Despite the victories so far the horde grows every day, soon they look to out number us." Neria clearly heard Cullen's muttering of 'dear Maker' under his breath. Were she a religious woman she would have whole heartedly agreed. "I know that this is a true Blight, however I cannot ask the King to act solely on my feeling."

"Despite his oddities the King does seem to hold the Grey Warden's in high regard," Neria said and Cullen let out a hacking cough behind her. "_What?_ He was odd don't tell me you didn't think so!"

"The King is over eager," Duncan said, "but he is one of the few Grey Warden allies and our numbers in Ferelden are very few." Which was why Duncan had gone to the Tower recruiting, which was how she ended up here. This much Neria knew. "For that we must look to Teryn Loghain to make up the difference. We also must go through with the Joining as soon as possible, the ritual is brief but some preperation is needed and we must get started immediately."

"Understood," Neria said nodding her head in agreement. Neria was not sure of what she should feel, excited or nauseated? Because for some reason she was feeling a mixture of both. "Is there anything I should know?"

"I will not lie to you, the Joining is dangerous." Duncan glanced back pointedly at Cullen before continuing. "I cannot speak more of it, you will learn in time." Neria glanced back at Cullen, so this Joining was very secretive indeed. Even the Chantry had no knowledge of it and it appeared that the Grey Warden's wished for it to remain that way. "Feel free to explore the camp here as you wish, you are with out a doubt very hungry. I just ask that you do not leave the camp for the time being. When you are ready seek out Alistair and tell him it is time to seek out the other recruits and begin with the Joining." With that Duncan left, leaving her and Cullen alone.

"I do not like this," Cullen said crossing his arms over his chest shaking his head. "You...you could be hurt." Neria turned to face Cullen and smiled ever so slightly, this was why she did not mind having Cullen with her. He did not immediately jump onto Chantry rhetoric, and while Neria knew that it undoubtedly was crossing his mind, Cullen was more concerned about her and her safety.

"I have gone through the Harrowing," Neria said trying to comfort both Cullen and herself, "I highly doubt a little ritual will be the end of me!" Cullen smiled at her slightly and Neria looked forward towards the camp, "come on. I'm _starving_!"

* * *

Cullen was pacing around the large fire on the Grey Warden's side of the camp, ignoring Duncan who was waiting calmly facing the fire. After they had eaten together the Revered Mother had summoned him and Neria had gone on her way to find the other Grey Warden named Alistair. She had promised to meet him by the Grey Warden's side of the camp, yet when Cullen had arrived all he saw was Duncan alone by the fire.

_"She has gone into the Wilds with Alistair and the other recruits."_

Cullen hadn't been able to do anything for several moments but stare at Duncan completely dumbfounded. He can't believe what he is hearing, sending Neria with three men she does not know into the Wilds where darkspawn are roaming free!

"Why did you not wait to send them until I returned?" Cullen demanded glaring at Duncan. "I-"

"She is to become a Grey Warden." Duncan cut him off sharply, and he gave Cullen a stern look. "Our Order has our secrets and we guard them closely. Neria will return safely of that I have no doubt." Cullen wanted to yell at Duncan that this was something Cullen needed to be made aware of, Neria was _his_ responsibility. However Cullen knew that technically Neria was a Grey Warden recruit and the Grey Wardens -mage or no- did not have to obey the rule of the Chantry. Duncan had only agreed to let Cullen come along to avoid conflict with Greagoir, but Cullen would follow his orders until they were rescinded.

"I'm going to go for a walk," Cullen said walking away from the fire fuming inwardly. He wished he could grab Neria and take her back to the Tower, this Grey Warden business made him uneasy.

But if they went back to the Tower he would not be able to spend so much time with her. He would not be able to see her as he did now, he wouldn't be able to join her for meals or to speak with her as freely as he did now. Cullen let out a heavy sigh as he looked up at the night sky, the Maker worked in mysterious ways. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise?

A blessing? Or a temptation to test his faith?

Cullen shook his head, he would find a priest and pray for the Maker's guidance and for Neria's safe return from the Wilds. There was little else he could do.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Short but I wanted to get something up before I left for vacation you have all waited long enough! I'll make the next chapter longer thank you for reading and please drop me a review!


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